Scientists at King’s College London have announced that they are just days away from finding a cure for photo red eye, a hitherto incurable condition that leaves sufferers, in the main people posing for photographs, with bright, glowing red eyes.
Until recently the disorder could only be alleviated with expensive and time-consuming photoshop treatment, or by wearing sunglasses and wide-brimmed hats as a pre-posing precaution. However, thanks to Professor Mulligan and his team of researchers, this widespread affliction will soon become a thing of the past.
“We have discovered a light-sensitive substance that, when applied via an eye dropper, subtly alters the retina, causing it to black out when exposed to sudden bursts of bright light.” explains Professor Mullins. “Therefore, if someone takes a flash photo, the light of the flash will no longer reflect from the retina, which causes the characteristic red eye effect.” His team have also tested the substance on family pets, resulting in a marked reduction of scary-looking cats.
The discovery has been hailed as a miracle cure by photographers and medical professionals alike, although road safety campaigners are calling for further trials before the substance is released onto the market. “We still don’t know what will happen to motorists who are snapped by speed cameras. If I’m bombing down the A1, I could easily get flashed and suddenly lose sight of the road.” cautioned a spokesman for RoSPA.
However Mullins’ team are determined to press on and develop their breakthrough, investigating possible cures for other photographic ailments. “The next step is to examine the sources of blurriness, over-exposure and apparent weight gain.” they announced. “We also have an extensive series of tests lined up to probe the cause and effect of inaccurate cropping and are calling for volunteers to visit our laboratory to have their heads cut off.”
(Written 6 May 2009)