Today’s British Male ‘Less Randy’ than predecessors

(My first ever Newsbiscuit contribution – written Mon 5 Jan 2009)

2008 saw the level of randiness in the British male fall sharply, government scientists have revealed in a controversial report.  ‘Your average male has been steadily less randy since the late 70’s,’ said Doctor Stan Poker, the author of the report, ‘but the level has reached new lows during the last twelve months.’

Figures show the credit crunch and resultant financial worries to be the main cause, though Doctor Poker identifies other factors.  ‘The rot starts as early as childhood.  Schoolboys are concentrating on league tables and exam results rather than ‘accidentally’ dropping their pencils on the floor during French lessons.  We’re also looking at how the internet age is affecting figures.  Nowadays young males are spending more and more time online playing Final Fantasy or Second Life, rather than getting out there to earn a few extra bob as window cleaners or driving instructors – both for decades traditional callings for the average randy British male.’

 The report points out the change in Britain’s demographic as a major cause in the drop in randiness, with diligent East European labourers replacing the home-grown wolf-whistling idle builder.  Also highlighted is the correlation between the fall in randiness and the rise of wrinkly-faced, dirty-laughed men in pork-pie hats and cardigans being placed on the sex-offenders register. 

 ‘Such randy men were considered heroes back in the day, but are now seen as pariahs.  Britain’s seaside beauty contests, nursing colleges and sixth-form netball courts are all the sadder for their absence.’ said Poker, wiping the foam from his mouth.

Published in: on September 4, 2009 at 8:58 am  Leave a Comment  
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