Teenagers actually did invent sex – in 1906 say historians

Historians working for the Nuffield Institute for Health have discovered that teenagers actually did invent sex.  Their studies have also pinpointed the date for this radical innovation as sometime in the spring of 1906. 

The Nuffield Institute for Health commissioned Professor Pradeep Singh and his team from the University of Newcastle to carry out the investigation as part of a wider study into how attitudes to sex and sexuality have evolved since recorded history began. 

Professor Singh’s team spent months studying contemporary documentation, literature and oral traditions before making their startling discovery.  ‘We discovered that prior to 1906, the human race reproduced by a variety on non-penetrative methods – ranging from sleeping under a gooseberry bush at full moon, kissing when leaning against a maypole or holding hands after dark whilst unchaperoned – the process depending upon one’s social and economic standing.’

‘Then suddenly we began to find evidence of an explosion of sexual activity amongst young people.’ he reported.  ‘In every piece of documentation we found references to teenagers, shall we say, at it like rabbits.’ What Professor Singh had stumbled upon was concrete evidence that, sometime during the spring of 1906, a young couple had discovered, as he put it in his findings ‘that piece A slotted into groove B – and after a bit of experimentation one or two other places as well.’

The race is now on to identify this trailblazing couple and perhaps trace their descendants, and Professor Singh is keen to be at the forefront of this search.  ‘To successfully locate the progeny of these sexual pioneers would be a dream come true.  I’d just love to show them the evidence and ask them how proud they felt to know that their great, great grandparents really were a couple of little f*ckers.’ 

(Written 11 Mar 2009)

Published in: on October 30, 2009 at 2:33 pm  Leave a Comment  
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