Silent movie festival ruined by Drum & Bass soundtrack

A West London arts centre is engulfed in a storm of controversy after angry cinema-goers walked out in protest during a prestigious annual silent movie festival.  Fans of these classic films stormed out of the Kensington Lively Arts Centre and Gallery after their favourite silent movies were shown, not to the traditional live piano score, but to hardcore Drum and Bass records. 

Newly-installed Chief Director of the centre, Peter Farquhar-Pearce, defended the decision to use this Ragga-inspired musical genre, hailing it as part of his campaign to ‘challenge modern-day arts lovers with the juxtaposition of crappy black and white films with vibrant modern street music.’

Fans of the ‘crappy back and white films’ involved were horrified as Chaplain’s ‘The Kid’ flickered onto the screen accompanied by Roni Size’s urban ‘Circles Remix’.  ‘I thought it was some kind of technical mix up.’ Reported one cinema-goer, ‘so I sat through it and waited for the next feature, Buster Keaton’s visually dazzling ‘One Week’, only to be deafened by some other musical monstrosity.’ Other fans similarly disliked Shy FX’s throbbing single ‘Original Nuttah’. 

However, despite a barrage of complaints and demands for ticket refunds, Farquhar-Pearce, or ‘you pretentious idiot’ as some people were calling him, remained unrepentant and appeared before the restless audience to announce that the next feature, Harold Lloyd’s ‘Safety Last’, featuring the iconic hanging-from-the-clock scene, would be ‘enhanced and improved’ by Aphrodite’s 2002 single ‘Ganja Man’. 

Many had already voted with their feet by this stage, and the film had barely got under way when the rest of the audience got up from their seats and marched out, deaf to the Chief Director’s pleas to stop and appreciate his brave audio-visual concept. 

‘More fool you!’ he is reported to have shouted at their retreating backs, ‘you’re missing the best part of the show! I’ve got Eric Syke’s ‘The Plank’ lined up, alongside the ‘Tooled Up Mixes EP’ including the ‘Gimp Mask’ and ‘Crap Rinse Out’ remixes you philistine bastards!’

(Written 19 Mar 2009)

Published in: on November 4, 2009 at 3:06 pm  Leave a Comment  
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