The Second Coming leaked on the internet

The Second Coming – the long-awaited return of Jesus Christ from Heaven to Earth, heralding a new Messianic age where the dead are resurrected, final judgment is passed on Mankind and the Kingdom of God is established throughout the world, has been leaked onto the internet.

According to religious sources the Lord our God, creator of the original Jesus saga, is said to be ‘extremely wrathful’ at the leaking of his latest project. “The Second Coming has been in the pipeline for millennia, and now all that meticulous planning has been spoilt at the last minute.” said one archbishop. “Mark my words, Our Father will locate the source of the initial leak and any subsequent postings will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.”

Although dismissed by some critics as nothing more than a comeback vehicle for His son, The Second Coming has nonetheless been keenly anticipated by fans of Christianity across the globe, many of whom are distraught at the early leaking of Judgement Day and the plethora of spoilers that have appeared in certain tabloid newspapers and internet message boards during the week.

God’s production team have warned internet users who are tempted to download the leaked version of its unfinished nature, labelling it as a ‘stolen, incomplete and early pre-production copy lacking in special effects. This has been echoed by those who have seen the leak, for example one user who wrote on film website aintitcool.com: “It had missing scenes and temporary sound and music. The CGI is missing and the whole thing looks incomplete and unsatisfying.”

The leak comes as a new campaign against piracy is launched in UK cinemas and churches. In a change from recent years, the adverts move away from the message that piracy is theft. Instead audiences will see a trailer, fronted, thanks to digital and spiritual manipulation, by Dame Thora Hird, thanking them for paying to come and watch the event, before praying for the souls of ‘those who doth secretly film the majestic holiness of The Lord Almighty’ and distribute it on the internet, ‘tempting the weak and the foolish to download such miraculous footage and denying Our Father much rental and box-office revenue.’

(Written 8 Apr 2009)

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Published in: on November 17, 2009 at 10:19 am  Leave a Comment  
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