Pupil ‘sexed up’ school report, claims teacher

The parents and teacher of 10 year-old schoolboy Tyler Cullen are at loggerheads today following claims that he ‘sexed up’ his last end-of-term school report.  Mrs Sue Moult, teacher of Class 4a at Frampton Abbot County Primary School, Hampshire, first made the allegations after Cullen’s parents began to boast of their son’s astounding performance at a PTA meeting. 

When Moult countered with ‘That’s not what I wrote about the little bugger’, Mr and Mrs Cullen produced a copy of Tyler’s school report, which apparently praised the pupil’s helpful attitude after he volunteered to forgo morning assembly to rescue a drowning surfer from a nearby brook.  However Mrs.  Moult disputes these facts, pointing out that the report originally censured Tyler for ‘bunking off’ that morning, after being found knee-deep in water, trying to catch sticklebacks with a jam jar. 

Tyler’s parents refuse to countenance that their son, described by them as ‘our little angel’, may have doctored his report, despite the fact that, according to this document, his teacher later took Tyler out of his maths lesson and asked him to climb onto the bike shed roof and act as lookout against a possible Dalek invasion.  ‘Rubbish!’ counters Moult, reading the report.  ‘The dirty sod had been caught on the roof trying to get a look into the girl’s changing room.  And look at this bit – who in their right mind would let anyone under the age of 18 join a rag-tag group of Vietnam veterans in fighting off a group of Hell’s Angels?’

But Mr and Mrs Cullen are still not convinced, claiming.  ‘We simply cannot countenance that our son would do this.  Tyler is a brilliant and well-behaved child who deserves an A+ for every lesson he attends.  We know he has an active imagination and maybe watches too much TV, but what child could possibly have the adult knowledge necessary to claim that he was pressured into skiving off his RE lesson to buy 20 Benson and Hedges and a copy of Men’s Fitness for his teacher?’

However Moult does not agree.  ‘The report has obviously been tampered with – the handwriting is even worse than my own and there are splodges of Tippex everywhere.  If there’s one thing this useless little git is good at, it’s writing stories…  and besides, I smoke Rothmans.’

(Written 15 May 2009)

Published in: on November 27, 2009 at 2:58 pm  Leave a Comment  
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