Angry constituents force honest man into politics

A Bromsgrove man has been forced to stand as MP for the Midlands town following a meeting with constituents furious at the recent Julie Kirkbride expenses scandal.  Self-employed builder’s labourer Trevor Moult, 46, faced a series of probing questions about his financial history before being unanimously voted as Bromsgrove’s favourite candidate for the next election. 

A red-faced Moult admitted to constituents that he fastidiously logged all of his earnings, be they by cheque or ‘cash-in-hand’ and declared every single one in his annual tax self-assessment form.  He also scandalously revealed how he had never claimed for expenses of any kind during his time as an unskilled worker, and that he had never claimed any benefits, despite living alone and earning a minimum wage. 

Would-be voter pressed Moult on this issue, surmising that the middle-aged bachelor at least claimed a disability allowance, as evidenced by his slight limp.  Moult defended himself against this allegation by claiming that his limp was caused by a case of gout, before further stating that ‘The government don’t owe me anything, an’ I don’t owe them anything.’

Impressed by his transparent, no-nonsense honesty, the crowd at a packed Bromsgrove town hall unanimously voted for Moult to represent their constituency at the next election – effectively nominating him as the sole candidate for the Member of Parliament for Bromsgrove and refusing to take no for an answer.  Faced with such intransigence, Trevor had no option but to bow to the wishes of the public and agreed to launch an election campaign ‘Just as soon as I’ve finished digging the footings on the new estate.’

Swept up in an outpouring of popular support, Moult then went further, promising to adhere to his anti-sleaze policy of direct honesty.  ‘I won’t be claiming for no second home in London ‘cos I’ll stay here in Bromsgrove and use one of them webcams to talk to the other MPs.’ he declared.  ‘That way I’ll do my bit for the planet, as I imagine a moped trip to Westminster wouldn’t be very environmentally friendly.’

Moult is now facing calls to step down from his post amid allegations that his refusal to travel to and live in the capital means that he will be unable to represent his constituents effectively.  He will answer these charges at a further public meeting at the town hall tomorrow.

(Written 29 May 2009)

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Published in: on November 30, 2009 at 3:18 pm  Leave a Comment  
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