‘My 12 hour present wrapping nightmare’

A ‘foolhardy’ Lewisham man, who had to be rescued from his back room by fire fighters after attempting to wrap a Christmas present without the aid of his wife, has spoken to journalists about his terrible ordeal.

Brian Cowl, 54, decided to wrap his wife’s Michael BublĂ© CD – the only present he had bought on his own initiative after years of ‘here’s some money, buy yourself some jewellery or clothes or something’ – while she was visiting her sister in Lowestoft for the weekend. ‘I didn’t think it’d be too difficult,’ he confessed, ‘after all, I usually leave the missus to do her own wrapping and she can’t even wire a plug.’

However, three hours and several off-cuts of wrapping paper later, Cowl was still faced with an unwrapped present and the prospect of yet another blast of withering sarcasm come Christmas morning. ‘I knew I was in over my head but I couldn’t face another “Oh, a Dorothy Perkins chiffon scarf, what a lovely surprise.” So I plunged on despite the paper cuts and scissor blisters.’

Brian’s howls of anguish eventually alerted neighbours to his predicament and the alarm was raised, but not before the door was wedged closed by piles of crumpled gift tags and inexpertly tied bits of string. ‘You’d think writing “to Doreen, with love from Brian” would be child’s play,’ Cowl explained, ‘but after the millionth spelling mistake or smudged biro mark you start losing the will to live.’

Eventually fire fighters broke into Cowl’s back room through a window to find the would-be present wrapper hunched over a roll of Sellotape, rocking back and forth as he frantically scratched the surface with his thumbnail. ‘The wife is always moaning at me for not folding over the end so that it can be found later,’ he sobbed, ‘but did I listen? Well that’s it – frosty Christmas or not that’s the last time I ever buy and wrap a present for my wife – it’s just not worth the hassle. Next year I’ll get her a voucher and put it in with her- Oh Jesus Christ I haven’t written her a card yet!’

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Published in: on December 22, 2009 at 8:39 am  Leave a Comment  
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