The year 2010 ‘weeks if not months’ behind schedule

World leaders are holding crisis talks today after Henderson-Atwood, the construction company who beat off dozens of rivals for the contract to successfully build and install the new year, has admitted that it will be weeks, if not months, behind schedule.

Company director Cyril Atwood has apologised for the delay, putting the blame on uncertainties in the current economic climate. ‘The exchange rate means that we’re having to shop around for competitively priced fortnights – it being more cost effective to buy weekdays in bulk. Also, in previous years, suppliers would usually throw in weekends at a discount, but this is no longer the case as they look to maximise profits.’

It has been suggested that the failure of a sub-contractor to complete February – a key stage in the construction of next year – has also contributed towards slipping timescales. ‘It is true that we did have to return February to the manufacturers after it was discovered that it had 29 days instead of the standard 28,’ Atwood revealed, ‘but I can assure you that that matter was speedily resolved.’

News of the delay has put further pressure on Old Father Time, following the debacle of 2009: also built by Henderson-Atwood. ‘He never should have given those cowboys the contract for 2010,’ claims one industry insider. ‘Just look at the cock up they made of last Summer. They completely forgot to order any weather for August and had to pull back some of the rain earmarked for October in order to fill the gap.’

For his part, Old Father Time remains defiant. Speaking from his retirement home in Sussex, he hit out at his critics. ‘Ushering in a new year is a highly complicated job and there’s bound to be the occasional mistake. The last time something major went wrong we just blamed the introduction of the Gregorian calendar and nobody was any the wiser. People say I’m getting a bit long in the tooth for this kind of thing but I’ve got a few tricks up my sleeve yet – you wait until you’ve experienced Xmasuary 2009 – a new extra ‘filler’ month of presents and piss-ups before you start having a pop at me!’

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Published in: on December 31, 2009 at 12:44 pm  Leave a Comment  
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