Richard Hammond’s hair reaches Critical Mess

Television bosses have announced that Richard Hammond’s hair has reached Critical Mess – the tipping point after which it is impossible for a celebrity’s fashionable tousle to be re-combed into a sensible hairstyle.

‘Critical Mess was first observed in the 1950s, when Elvis Presley’s quiff refused to stand down for national service.’ explained Dr. Kylie Chambers, theoretical stylist at Salon Pierre, Ruislip. ‘Cases of the phenomenon peaked during the 1980s, but isolated examples can still be found in Russell Brand, Peaches Geldof and now Richard Hammond.’

It has emerged that colleagues of the Top Gear and Total Wipeout presenter have been urging him to take remedial action for some weeks. ‘I told him to at least try a side parting for a while,’ claimed one associate, ‘but he just gave me one of his trademark cocky grins and reached for another tub of styling wax.’

Hammond is now believed to be undergoing radical short back and sides therapy at a high-class Harley Street barbers, although according to Dr. Chambers this action smacks of self-deluded desperation.

‘He’s only fooling himself – once a hairstyle has reached Critical Mess that’s it. This barber he’s seeing claims to be a miracle worker who supposedly even managed the impossible feat of changing Lady Gaga’s hairstyle into a nice bob – well to me that’s just the mad ramblings of the lunatic fringe.’

 (Written 3 Jan 2010)

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Published in: on February 2, 2010 at 8:27 am  Leave a Comment  
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