Department of Extra-Terrestrial Relations releases identifiable flying object files

The government’s Department of Extra-Terrestrial Relations has released another tranche of recently declassified documents, detailing a number of sightings of, and close encounters with, identifiable flying objects.

The documents range from hysterical reports of aircraft vapour trails, prototype stealth bombers and strange cloud formations, to an official Royal Airforce communiqué chastising a pilot for confusing a Cyberoid invasion fleet for a flock of starlings.

Commenting on the release, DETR spokesman Colin Rafferty explains how the frequency of such sightings increases with certain media broadcasts. ‘It is no coincidence that the number of reported IFO incidents almost doubled following a documentary on WWII barrage balloons on the Discovery Channel in 2004.’

Rafferty also points out how some reports are simply the result of wishful-thinking fantasists: ‘When Dirty Den sexually assaulted Angie in 1987 the switchboards went crazy. But when you point out that a Neptunian hybrid breeding programme was being carried out at the same time you get accused of covering up a conspiracy – you can’t win with these weirdoes.’

One of the files details how the Ministry of Defence received reports of a large, globular IFO hovering in the sky above former Conservative Home Secretary Michael Howard’s home near Folkestone, Kent, on 8 March 1997. Believed by one ‘excitable’ eye-witness to be a weather balloon, a subsequent investigation revealed the craft to nothing more than a Nova-class ambassadorial star cruiser bringing election fund donations from the ex-pat abductee population of Zelqon VII.

However even the DETR admit that some of the files still remain unexplained, such as the rash of sightings of a mysterious object floating over Gateshead in 1993. ‘We still can’t pin down this one,’ Rafferty admits, ‘a strange blimp-like vehicle, bearing the weird alien message: ‘DFS Sofa Sale Ends Today!’ We’ve spoken to all our galactic contacts and none of them can explain that one…’ 

(Written 18 Feb 2010)

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Published in: on March 17, 2010 at 8:24 am  Leave a Comment  
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