Sleaze exclusive! ‘My uneventful evening with Top Lord’

A pretty 23 year-old former civil servant has told of her ‘pleasant, yet uneventful’ evening with a top Tory peer 62 years her senior.

Stunning brunette Michelle Warnstone first met Lord Cambersham, an expert in Far Eastern horticulture and a member of DEFRA’s East-Asian Advisory Committee, while working as a junior researcher for the agricultural ministry. ‘Straight away I knew there was a spark between us,’ she revealed, ‘I’ll never forget the way he barely acknowledged me in that Whitehall corridor.’

According to Ms. Warnstone, further clandestine meetings followed; ‘he’d call me into his office on a daily basis, usually to ask for the latest figures on UNESCO’s East Timor reforestation project,’ claims the shapely divorcee, ‘during all that talk of root balls and seed drills he never showed the slightest flicker of desire, but deep inside his heart was racing as fast as mine. I knew he was married but while it seemed so wrong it felt so right.’

After months of secret courtship, Lord Cambersham finally seized the initiative by inviting the attractive Glaswegian to an intimate supper at a high-class London venue. ‘It was just me and him – alone at last, with only 300 or so fellow delegates of the Annual Common Agricultural Policy Symposium between us. The air in that conference centre was electric.’

However, after being wined and dined at the buffet table at the back of the hall, Michelle’s dreams of passion were to be cruelly dashed when former animal feeds distributor Cambersham brushed left without so much as a single glance or gentle caress. ‘He just upped and went, paying more attention to those paramedics and their defibrillator than me, the love of his life.’

‘I was distraught – the only way to ease the pain was to tell my story to the tabloid journalist who’d tried to set me up with him in the first place. All I have left now are my memories – his lingering glances, his casual flirting asides, oh, and that time David Cameron took me up the arse during a Tory party conference, but no-one want’s to hear about that do they?’

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Published in: on May 24, 2010 at 8:34 am  Leave a Comment  
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