Notorious troll arrested following discovery of goat remains

Britain’s most wanted chatroom troll, who, during a five year reign of terror is believed to be responsible for hundreds of attacks in forums across the country, is behind bars today, after an observant member of the public spotted the remains of several goats next to his lair.

Eagle-eyed Trevor Courtley, 36, was walking his dog through a local wireless hotspot when he came across the gruesome discovery. ‘I was just crossing the bridge and happened to look down. There, lying by the river was this pile of bones – goat bones judging by the horns – right next to the old Cisco router. I could also make out the gnashing of teeth and sound of furious typing coming out from under the bridge and put two and two together.’

Ironically Courtley was himself a victim of the troll, after being assaulted on a popular Science Fiction forum six months previously. ‘I was just saying how much I missed David Tennant and wallop! From out of nowhere I’m being attacked! I dread to think what would have happened if a passing moderator hadn’t chanced upon us and revoked the troll’s username. At least I’ve evened the score now.’

Courtley quickly informed the Internet Police, who placed a surveillance software team in the location. ‘It soon became obvious that this was the troll we were looking for,’ said IPC David McGee, ‘It was a watershed moment – we’d been looking for this guy’s IP address for years but he just kept spoofing. He was always one step ahead of us – changing his Gravatar and logging in under a different ID, so we’re elated to have finally caught him.’ A number of aliases were found at the scene, as well as a badly injured billy-goat, whose condition is described as ‘gruff, but stable.’

The troll, who cannot yet be named for legal reasons, was arrested on charges of animal cruelty, verbal assault and the general unsettlement of the chatroom community. He is also facing charges of virtual arson, following a number of suspicious flaming incidents. Legal experts believe that he is likely to face three consecutive life sentences for these crimes if found guilty, plus 100 hours community service for the clubbing to death of several officers during the arrest.

Published in: on July 26, 2010 at 7:13 am  Leave a Comment  
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