Bodies found washed up on beach ‘are missing owl and pussycat’

Police investigating the disappearance of an owl and a pussycat from an animal sanctuary in Weymouth, Dorset, have confirmed that two bodies, found washed up at nearby Chesil Beach, are that of the two missing animals.

Staff at the Fur’n’Feathers Cattery and Bird Of Prey Centre first raised the alarm exactly a year and a day ago, when their prized Siamese cat and Tawny owl failed to turn up at feeding time. According to their keeper, Lisa Morrison, the pair had become very close during their time at the sanctuary. ‘I knew immediately that they must have done a moonlight flit. They both came in at the same time you see – one had a broken wing and the other was rescued from a tied-up bag in the river. He was the strong silent type and she was just a beautiful pussy – they bonded straight away. It certainly raised a few eyebrows among the other animals.’

Leading the investigation, Detective Inspector Mark Shorness believed the couple had been planning to elope for some time: ‘The owl in question was thought to have plenty of money, yet he had emptied his bank account several days before the disappearance. Around the same time he was also filmed on CCTV buying honey from a local supermarket and staff at a local novelty cutlery emporium recall selling a runcible spoon to an individual matching his description.’

Police believe that the pair absconded in a rowing boat, which was reported stolen from a nearby marina shortly before they were found to be missing. ‘We immediately notified the Coastguard to be on the alert for the boat, described by its owner as being beautiful pea-green in colour,’ Shorness revealed. ‘But the craft remained unsighted until it was found moored at Bong-Tree Island twenty miles along the coast – quite an achievement for two creatures who had little idea of the very concept of sailing, let alone any experience of navigation and boat-craft.’

Following this lead, detectives interviewed a number of witnesses, including a pig who sold its nose ring to a couple similar in appearance to the missing lovers, and a turkey, arrested by the local authorities for performing a beach-side marriage without the requisite license. According to this individual the newlyweds, after dining heavily on mince and quince slices, danced by the light of the moon before going for a midnight swim against the advice of those attending the wedding celebrations.

‘That was the last anyone saw of them,’ said their former keeper Morrison, ‘it’s sad really, but considering that the only thing they had in common was a fondness for mice, their relationship was doomed from the start. For my part I like to remember them as our very own Romeo and Juliet – albeit a Romeo who could seemingly rotate his head 360 degrees and a Juliet with retractable claws and the ability to lick her own genitals.’

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