Facebook user who clicked ‘share’ button saddled with $20M portfolio

A self-confessed social networking addict is twenty million US dollars in the red today, after repeated use of the Facebook ‘share’ function saw her accidently pledging to buy hundreds of thousands of shares in the company.

‘Facebook is the natural place to showcase my sunny nature and wacky sense of humour,’ said Bristol teaching assistant Brenda Stockton. ‘I love sharing funny videos and the like – have you seen that one with the slow loris being tickled yet? – but what I didn’t know was that by pressing the ‘share’ button you are actually beholden to buy stocks in Facebook when they’re floated later this year. Apparently it’s in the new terms and conditions.’

Stockton, 28, first unwittingly added to her stocks and shares portfolio on Monday, just seconds after the world’s largest social networking site announced plans for a stock market flotation. ‘I’d just put a link to an inspirational poem about friendship and sisterhood onto my wall when my husband suddenly noticed that Lloyds TSB Share Dealing had taken some money out of our online bank account. By the time I’d finished showing off my latest Bejewelled Blitz score we were practically bankrupt.’

The Financial Services Authority has today warned of the current dangers to Facebook users. ‘The ‘share button has recently been changed to a ‘shares’ button – that extra ‘s’ is very important. Distributing excess numbers of pointless tat: be it a youtube clip, personality quiz or overly saccharine verse is a sure-fire way of getting poked by your bank manager,’ warned an FSA spokesman, ‘and also of looking a bit of an annoying twat with too much time on your hands.’

However these words have come too late for Stockton, who is now facing the threat of repossession, fraud charges and divorce proceedings. ‘I’ve also had to put up with Mark Zuckerberg making creepy comments about the photos of me in a bikini during a hen-weekend in Malaga – I wish I’d never accepted his friend request now and I’ll be buggered if I can work out how to unfriend him.’

Published in: on February 9, 2012 at 3:34 pm  Leave a Comment  
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Open invitation on Facebook to wreck house turns into enjoyable party

A Berkshire humanities student has been left counting the cost after her open invitation to wreck her parent’s 5 bedroom house on a well-known social networking site degenerated into an enjoyable party full of light music, urbane banter and nibbles. 

19 year old Sara Bridges first hit upon the idea to invite hoards of destructive youths into her parent’s house, an extensive property on the outskirts of the small village of Caniston St.  Xerxes, after similar instances hit the headlines in recent months.  ‘Mummy and daddy had booked to go on an Indian Ocean cruise, but wouldn’t let me go along as I had coursework to finish.’ She explained to reporters.  ‘I was determined to show them what a mistake it was to think I could look after myself, so I let it be known on my Facebook wall that it would be open-house on Saturday night.’

‘When a group of drunken lads turned up at the front door I thought my plan was working.’ she continued, ‘but instead of kicking off in a booze-laden orgy of destruction, they simply stood in a corner, talking among themselves and inspecting daddies record collection.’ Soon other revellers appeared, carrying not the expected cans of White Lightning and pocketfuls of ready-rolled cannabis joints, but, much to her chagrin, bottles of Pinot Grigio and a Mediterranean dip selection. 

‘Rather than trashing the place, these so-called gatecrashers wandered around the house commentating on how tastefully decorated it was.  I thought things might turn a little nastier when some teenage girl from the council estate dropped a mini Kiev on the carpet, but she quickly apologised and cleared it up with a wet wipe.’ Sara’s hopes were further dashed when the neighbours came round, not to complain, but to offer to help with the washing up. 

‘It was a complete disaster – nobody even had the courtesy to stick a slice of pizza on the wall behind a curtain so that we wouldn’t find it until 6 months later!’ she lamented, ‘at one stage I thought I’d caught a couple shagging in my parent’s bedroom, but it turned out they’d only gone up there for a lie down as they both suffered from migraines.’ Miss Bridges was unable to comment further however, as she was due to negotiate a ransom for her parents after their drug-fuelled swinging cruise was hijacked by Somali pirates.

(Written Apr 2009)

Published in: on November 23, 2009 at 4:02 pm  Leave a Comment  
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