UK Jobless to be given clipboards to ‘look busy’

Gordon Brown has announced a new government initiative to kick-start the economy by giving clipboards to the unemployed . 

 ‘We need to counter the effects of the economic downturn by making these people look busy.’ Said Brown in a recent interview.  ‘Giving them clipboards will not only make them seem efficient but also engender a feeling of gainful employment.’

 His announcement follows a successful pilot scheme, where a number of Big Issue sellers were given notepads and asked to wander around a plastics factory in Swindon, pretending to make notes. 

 ‘This created a general impression of industriousness throughout the factory, as the few people actually doing some work felt encouraged to increase their output, which in turn made those on the pilot scheme feel as though they were actually achieving something worthwhile.’

 David Cameron was quick to dismiss the scheme.  ‘There’s nothing new here.  Essentially they’re adapting a traditional British time-wasting technique which is already being practiced by thousands of middle-managers throughout the UK.’

 ‘The initiative will be rolled out across the country from February.’ Said the Prime Minister.  ‘But due to budget constraints, please bring your own pen.’

(Written 8 Jan 2009)